The “Mjuaji” problem

Are you an overachiever? Had some successes when young, earned some respect, know your stuff?

Good for you. But it could also be very bad for you. Because you’ll probably stop asking for advice. Any advice. Any time.

Why? Because now that you have a reputation as a “mjuaji” to protect, you might imagine it bursts the bubble if you, the know-it-all, start looking as though you don’t actually know stuff.

And so you might keep quiet even when clueless; silent even when confused; reluctant even when you sorely need help. And that is how bright people start getting dimmer. Not because they stop thinking, but because they stop inquiring. Your very success might turn into self-sealing arrogance.

I was like that when younger. As a strategy consultant, I thought I had to be the smartest guy in the room, the one with all the answers. Not the questions, surely. Who’d pay for that?

I wish I had known then what I know now. That wisdom sits in the questions you ask, not the answers you proffer. That no one person has all the answers. That we beats me, every time. That a hive mind is better than my mind. That we all need more capacity and bandwidth than we can ever have on our own.

That’s a finding backed by research: people who ask for advice are often judged as more competent. Why? Because the question itself signals seriousness. It reveals humility. It suggests openness to engage with others. It demonstrates a willingness to get it right rather than merely look right. Those are very valuable personal traits.

Asking for advice is not an admission of weakness, or a confirmation that you are an imposter. It is in fact a sign of wisdom. Only the wise know what they do not know. Fools imagine what they know is all there is.

There is another trap here. Success can make you confuse being knowledgeable with being finished. But a good mind is never finished. It stays porous. It lets in challenge, correction, contradiction. The day you stop asking is the day you begin defending an image of yourself instead of enlarging yourself.

And so I have spent the past couple of decades actively and pointedly asking people for advice, for their opinions, for their recommendations. I ask clients for answers to their own questions. I ask friends for advice on tricky issues. I ask experts their views where they have domain knowledge and I do not. I ask my wife about what to do about things she understands far better than I ever will. I ask my son to explain all things modern tech and Gen Z to me. I ask authors to expand my range and depth through their books.

And yes, these days I also ask my very smart AI friend to help me think through all manner of tough challenges. Not because my own intelligence has left the building, but because wisdom knows it should never live alone.

Here’s something for senior leaders to think about. I work mostly with y’all, and I can confirm this: the higher you rise, the less candid the advice and feedback you will get. You live in a thin atmosphere. Few people challenge you. Even fewer tell you the truth plainly. Power edits the room. It makes others more cautious, more diplomatic, more selective. Some will flatter. Some will filter. Some will simply decide it is safer to let you be wrong. Your life can become an everyday affirmation of all your opinions and viewpoints. 

Leaders need straight-talking advice more than anyone. And that requires a certain kind of courage. Not the loud courage of declarations and speeches, but the quieter sort: the willingness to puncture your own aura.

Advice, then, is not a crutch for the incapable. It is fuel for the serious. It is how you keep your mind ventilated. It is how you stop success from hardening into vanity. It is how you remain teachable after the world has begun calling you an expert.

So yes, ask. Ask early. Ask often. Ask awkwardly if you must. Better to suffer a small bruise to the ego than a major collision with reality.

THE SIGNAL IN THE NOISE

The real fools are not the ones who do not know. They are the ones who must keep pretending that they do.

 

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