What do you do when a setback strikes?

At the airport check-in: “I’m sorry, but your flight has a three-hour delay.”

This was said to the lady in front of me in the queue earlier this week. She flipped. Cursed the airline, shouted at the agent, lamented the state of her life.

And so she should, right? Too many airlines play fast and loose with our time. They blame “operational” or “technical” reasons as though those are acts of some unkind god. Yeah, right, guys. It’s all you. Your strategies, your choices, your failings.

But I digress. My main point today is different, and it is this: how do we behave when we encounter unexpected setbacks?

The lady behind me in that same queue took the news rather differently. She heard about the delay with a wry smile, found a place to sit, and got to work on her laptop. She told me this was an unexpected opportunity to catch up with her work, so she grabbed it with both hands. Better still, she immediately warned colleagues on later flights, so that they could adjust their plans.

Her name is Charity Maseki, and she is one of my clients. I found her serenity inspiring. When she brought me a bottle of water, I decided to follow her example and get on with things. I am writing this Signal right there in the airport.

Unexpected setbacks are an unavoidable part of life. Stochasticity is central to the deal we signed when we were born. Stuff will happen, and you mostly won’t see it coming. The first flash of anger is human. But what matters is what we do with the next minute, and the next hour.

This is not to forgive those whose inefficiency eats into our lives. They must feel the pressure to be better, from their customers if not themselves.

And yet. What can we do about the decisions and failings of others? Help correct them where we can, sure. But we mostly can’t.

So we have to mind ourselves. Try not to make our failings someone else’s problem. And refuse, where we can, to let theirs become ours.

As I look around the departure gate where we are all perched for now, I see some folks still agitated, pacing up and down, going back to the counter to berate any passing employee, calling their friends and relatives to share their outrage at high decibels.

But others are working, reading, talking quietly, or simply enjoying the unexpected pause. The hours are theirs to spend as they please, even if the airline has determined where they must spend them.

To which group do I belong? Well, I told the check-in agent that she should escalate the issue of timely notifications. We could all have spent those hours elsewhere had we been told in time. She explained that she had only just heard the news herself. I sympathized because this was absolutely not her fault. I told her to steel herself for some unpleasantness from many passengers, and wished her well.

I was frustrated too, of course. Wisdom does not require us to pretend otherwise. But I have learned not to let unexpected inconveniences commandeer my life. In any case, who are we, any of us, to expect perfect lives and outcomes?

When something goes wrong, the question is how long we allow ourselves to stay wronged. My flight will be delayed whether I spend three hours furious about it or three hours moving on.

The larger misfortunes of life will not ask whether we are ready. Perhaps the smaller ones are where we practise.

THE SIGNAL IN THE NOISE

The setback is one event. What we do next is another.

 

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